Thursday, September 14, 2006

New Television Naming Conventions

First, every crime drama needs to be re-named “Law and Order”. For example:

Criminal Minds becomes Law and Order: Criminal Minds.

Justice becomes Law and Order: Justice.

CSI: Miami becomes Law and Order: CSI: Miami.

Next, every family sitcom needs to be re-named “My Wife is a Bitch, But I Love Her Anyway”. Exceptions: Kudos to CBS for airing not one, but two sitcoms about unconventional families. Something like 50% of couples in the real world get divorced. In TV land, only Christine and that guy from Two and a Half Men do. Those two shows get to keep their names.

Moving on. Every prime time drama gets renamed “Beautiful, Rich People in California Have Problems.”Unless it's a David Kelly show, then it's Beautiful, Rich People in Boston. The most egregious example of this genre has to be Windfall. So they win the lottery, and that's when their troubles really start. There's something blackly offensive about Hollywood types lecturing the rest of us about how money is the root of all evil.

Gilmore Girls keeps its name, but may I suggest, “That Chubby-ish Lady Is Oddly Attractive?” She's not chubby, she's not skinny, she's real. She's chubby-ish, and it's kind of sexy.

Next up, medical dramas. ER and Grey's Anatomy need to be merged into one show so the doctors can have a bigger dating pool. Maybe Grey's ER. Want to land a doctor, ladies? Go to medical school. If TV has taught us anything it's that doctors will not date anyone besides other doctors, unless it's a nurse. But only if the nurse really wants to be a doctor.

House keeps it's name. So far no romance on the show, which is refreshing. Give it a season, though. House will end up having a fling with the brunette, regretting it, then all bets are off. Also, thank God I don't live in whatever city that show is set in. Every week it's like watching the black plague. Another thing to watch for: at some point someone on that show will come in with the plague. And it will rain toads. Or locusts. I love House.

No comments: